Bullying for All Ages

There is a lot of emphasis on teens being bashed for being gay, and having to deal with bullying. When I read these stories it reminds me of how many elderly gay men live in rural and suburban areas. We can not be ourselves for fear of repr...isal. We live in isolation and this leads to depression. And I'm sure it... goes unreported when older gay men commit suicide. It isn't considered as unusual or awful as a teenager doing so.

So when we think of bullying in our society it affects not only teenagers but the elderly. It may not be the same name-calling to our faces. But it can be through gossip and lies, and shunning in the community. If the heterosexism in the community means people fear anyone who's not heterosexual and raising a family, then this isolates gay men.

Where I live most of the older gay men are married and posing as straight. The ones who aren't mostly stay to themselves for fear of reprisal. They use the chat rooms for sex, which is dangerous for older gay men and can lead to violence and exploitation. If nothing else it does not lead to a healthy social community where gay men can feel they play a role in society.

Older gay men in the larger cities have options for social activity outside of the chat rooms and sex in the cruisy areas. But go beyond that in our society and it's the same bullying that attacks teenagers that keep older gay men alone and in fear. Sometimes it's the same bullies! You're not going to go out, be yourself, and then have to face a gang of homophobic teenager in a small town, or in the suburbs if you're sixty years old and unarmed.

So when we talk about dealing with bullies it's time we saw the total effect of this hatred. Yes, it damages teenagers, but it also damages the larger community, especially the elder gay men

Guest Blogger - Jim Ru

Heterosexual kids get bullied in school too. They can be labeled "weird" for reading too much, looking different, not being interested in sports, or whatever. But what makes gay, lesbian and trans kids and adults commit suicide and ...turn to self destructive substance abuse at such a high rate?

If you're surrounded by social messages that leave little room for self expression, that alone can lead a person to depression. A gay, lesbian or trans person can't find any sanctuary to be themselves when the society is deeply entrenched in heterosexism. Add to this the bullying, and that is often the last straw.

So when talking to the community and schools I think it would be good to not only focus on bulllying, but also on heterosexism.

A prevailing attitude that everyone should be heterosexual is depressing when you're not heterosexual. I think the next step in gay, lesbian and trans human rights is to educate society that there are other paradigms of relationships.

Even within the gay, lesbian and trans community there is an assumption that we all want to get married, join the military and assimilate as much as possible.

But some people want to choose their own path. If they get no support because people immediately fear that anything different is a threat to the heterosexist norm, this leads to depression.

We must remember that not all relationships outside of this heterosexist norm are a threat. Creative differences can be benign, and even rewarding to a society. Diversity is a key element in all healthy environments and habitats.

Some people enjoy being alone, being creative, and would prefer to spend their life single. Some may want more than one partner. Some may want monogamy and marriage. I have known bisexual marriages that lasted for decades.

The standard heterosexist model in this society does not reflect the feelings of everyone. So, studying heterosexism and how that effects our social behavior, and how that leads to bullying, seems to me to be key to solving this problem.

If you just address bullying, and tell a principal, bullying is bad and it must stop you're missing half the story.