Sex or Gender?

November 20 is Transgender Remembrance Day. It's the time when we are called to put before us those men and women who have been killed, raped, tortured and persecuted because of their gender identity. You can learn more about this day at http://www.gender.org/. In Butler PFLAG we are fortunate to have the inclusion of members who are at various points in their gender transition.


What I am learning from transgendered persons is growing and enriching me. I learn about courage, conviction, strength, restraint, determination, pride, struggle, honor, relationship and it just keeps on growing. What I am learning now, because of the transgender persons in my circle of friends, is the difference between sexuality and gender.


I am beginning to see that gender is how we understand ourselves in relationship to other people. Sexuality is how we express our gender identity. At the meeting in Evans City we talked about how Southwestern Native Americans have eight ways of understanding gender identity. We're so used to understanding our genders as either one of two. In reality, however, PFLAG and other like-minded groups have at least six ways to understand gender. We are:
1. Straight
2. Gay
3. Lesbian
4. Bisexual
5. Transgender
6. Queer
These are six different ways of understanding how people identify themselves not merely what they do sexually. In each of those gender identities are countless ways to express sexuality as well as the entirety of life.

I'm really not fond of the term "straight". It seems demeaning to me, somehow, that people who understand themselves to be heterosexual are uncomplicated, or that they have a "point A to point B" way of relating to each other. To say "straight" seems to undercut the struggle and pain that heterosexual identity brings. They are as confused as anyone about how to live their lives through their sexuality.

We have one another to hold in gratitude for this wider perspective and growing clarity about how broad are the paths to understanding all genders and the dynamic ways to express them. When we enter into the work of PFLAG we are invited to enter into a new relationship with all genders and their expressions. We are being asked to invite all people into that same openness and equality of personhood. Our aim is to create that arena where all genders are not only free but are encouraged to discover ever deepening ways of knowing their lives. PFLAG is about so much more than just sexuality. It's about a complete life orientation.

There is no better time than November 20, Transgender Remembrance Day, to raise up in ourselves a new appreciation and a greater sense of wonder for the liberated view we are encouraged to have about the way we see ourselves and every other person.

Peace to all, Joe Tomlinson