What's a Queer?

Give me an 'G', give me an 'L', give me 'B' 'T' 'Q' -- whaddya got? That's a good question. We have grown so used to using those letters GLBTQ to describe the vast continuum of what a sexual minority person is, can or might be. Still, it doesn't say it all, does it?

I'm not sure which Native American culture it is (one of the Southwest nations, I believe) but they have 8 different ways to understand sexual identity. Count 'em: 8!
Their understanding, it seems, makes room for a larger understanding of how people express themselves sexually and relationally.

For those who identify themselves as STRAIGHT the letters might be a bit confusing --especially the "Q". Being called "QUEER" has been such a painful thing for so many. Many straight people are offended by that label, especially if it is applied to their loved one. Just as someone not African American but loving someone who is would be offended by the "N" word. What does QUEER really mean in the context of a sexual minority?

Please know you are welcome to correct my understanding but I'm going to give it a shot. To me, QUEER means that one has an understanding of themselves as being a sexual minority but that sex has a back seat to their overall identity. In other words, it may be a person who is LGBT but who does not have sex -- by choice. Said in another way, the type of sex a QUEER may have is not the main identifier for that person. I think of Andy Warhol, for example. I think of my friend Kevin, in Spokane, WA. He only says that he's QUEER. He feels more expressed by that term than he does by GAY. Make no mistake, he loves his men but it is his artistic and creative expression which gives him his identity. Not the type of sex he has.

I remember seeing a button that read: "Homosexual by birth. Gay by choice". In other words, our attractions are part of our psycho-physical selves; there at birth, part of our DNA. Which cultural expression we choose to join up with is entirely our choice. In my case, I choose GAY. What about you?

I've know men and women who consider themselves queer. In a few instances some have been heterosexually attracted but felt themselves to be more QUEER than STRAIGHT. I get that. I understand that. It could be one of those "8" Native American identities.

The point is (and I do have one, as Ellen says)that there are some things that we are born with and some things we can make choices about. How we identify ourselves is our choice. Feel free to use any letter you wish: GLBTQRSVCPK2&?%D. Your identity is respected, accepted, enecouraged, believed in and protected by us, your PFLAG Butler.

The human gift of choice is what we're all about. Our sexual attractions may be as natural to us as the color of our eyes. How we express them is entirely our choice.