There is a lot of emphasis on teens being bashed for being gay, and having to deal with bullying. When I read these stories it reminds me of how many elderly gay men live in rural and suburban areas. We can not be ourselves for fear of repr...isal. We live in isolation and this leads to depression. And I'm sure it... goes unreported when older gay men commit suicide. It isn't considered as unusual or awful as a teenager doing so.
So when we think of bullying in our society it affects not only teenagers but the elderly. It may not be the same name-calling to our faces. But it can be through gossip and lies, and shunning in the community. If the heterosexism in the community means people fear anyone who's not heterosexual and raising a family, then this isolates gay men.
Where I live most of the older gay men are married and posing as straight. The ones who aren't mostly stay to themselves for fear of reprisal. They use the chat rooms for sex, which is dangerous for older gay men and can lead to violence and exploitation. If nothing else it does not lead to a healthy social community where gay men can feel they play a role in society.
Older gay men in the larger cities have options for social activity outside of the chat rooms and sex in the cruisy areas. But go beyond that in our society and it's the same bullying that attacks teenagers that keep older gay men alone and in fear. Sometimes it's the same bullies! You're not going to go out, be yourself, and then have to face a gang of homophobic teenager in a small town, or in the suburbs if you're sixty years old and unarmed.
So when we talk about dealing with bullies it's time we saw the total effect of this hatred. Yes, it damages teenagers, but it also damages the larger community, especially the elder gay men
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Guest Blogger - Jim Ru
Heterosexual kids get bullied in school too. They can be labeled "weird" for reading too much, looking different, not being interested in sports, or whatever. But what makes gay, lesbian and trans kids and adults commit suicide and ...turn to self destructive substance abuse at such a high rate?
If you're surrounded by social messages that leave little room for self expression, that alone can lead a person to depression. A gay, lesbian or trans person can't find any sanctuary to be themselves when the society is deeply entrenched in heterosexism. Add to this the bullying, and that is often the last straw.
So when talking to the community and schools I think it would be good to not only focus on bulllying, but also on heterosexism.
A prevailing attitude that everyone should be heterosexual is depressing when you're not heterosexual. I think the next step in gay, lesbian and trans human rights is to educate society that there are other paradigms of relationships.
Even within the gay, lesbian and trans community there is an assumption that we all want to get married, join the military and assimilate as much as possible.
But some people want to choose their own path. If they get no support because people immediately fear that anything different is a threat to the heterosexist norm, this leads to depression.
We must remember that not all relationships outside of this heterosexist norm are a threat. Creative differences can be benign, and even rewarding to a society. Diversity is a key element in all healthy environments and habitats.
Some people enjoy being alone, being creative, and would prefer to spend their life single. Some may want more than one partner. Some may want monogamy and marriage. I have known bisexual marriages that lasted for decades.
The standard heterosexist model in this society does not reflect the feelings of everyone. So, studying heterosexism and how that effects our social behavior, and how that leads to bullying, seems to me to be key to solving this problem.
If you just address bullying, and tell a principal, bullying is bad and it must stop you're missing half the story.
If you're surrounded by social messages that leave little room for self expression, that alone can lead a person to depression. A gay, lesbian or trans person can't find any sanctuary to be themselves when the society is deeply entrenched in heterosexism. Add to this the bullying, and that is often the last straw.
So when talking to the community and schools I think it would be good to not only focus on bulllying, but also on heterosexism.
A prevailing attitude that everyone should be heterosexual is depressing when you're not heterosexual. I think the next step in gay, lesbian and trans human rights is to educate society that there are other paradigms of relationships.
Even within the gay, lesbian and trans community there is an assumption that we all want to get married, join the military and assimilate as much as possible.
But some people want to choose their own path. If they get no support because people immediately fear that anything different is a threat to the heterosexist norm, this leads to depression.
We must remember that not all relationships outside of this heterosexist norm are a threat. Creative differences can be benign, and even rewarding to a society. Diversity is a key element in all healthy environments and habitats.
Some people enjoy being alone, being creative, and would prefer to spend their life single. Some may want more than one partner. Some may want monogamy and marriage. I have known bisexual marriages that lasted for decades.
The standard heterosexist model in this society does not reflect the feelings of everyone. So, studying heterosexism and how that effects our social behavior, and how that leads to bullying, seems to me to be key to solving this problem.
If you just address bullying, and tell a principal, bullying is bad and it must stop you're missing half the story.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
We March in the Same Direction for a While
Gay Pride parades started as a remembrance of the Stonewall Uprising in 1969. The first gathering was held the following year. It was a silent protest then but it has become much more than that now. Like everything else, Gay Pride parades have evolved.
The parade has changed over the years because the gay community (using 'gay' here to include everyone) has evolved, has changed, has grown, has stumbled, has fought hard, has matured, has had victories and defeats. The parades reflect where the gay community is 'at'.
Some years the parades have been all "disco and light". Other years, the heavy-with-death years of the AIDS epidemic the parades were mere intense and strident with anger and rage. Where is gay community 'at' now? I guess, as always, it depends on who you ask. If I was asked I would be tempted to say something provocative like, "Gay is dead". By that I mean, our own old ideas of what 'gay' is are dead. We have to embrace a new reality about being a sexual or gender minority person and community. That reality is that we're not as hated as we once were. That's a new reality for us.
Make no mistake, the religious hysterics that live next door to Dave and me hate us in 2010 as much as anyone did in 1969. It's the systems that have changed. If we can work toward changing the systems that create discrimination and prejudice then we have created change on a large scale that no individual can take away. Where we are today, as a gay community, in my opinion, is that we have a new vista ahead of us.
Our allies are more numerous, more vocal, more at-ease, more passionate, more active, more unwilling to tolerate intolerance. The allies of sexual and gender minorities are the ones who keep the doors of opportunity open. Because straight allies can challenge others with more acceptance than any GLBTQIs can, we have made enormous strides.
We are actually able to consider, now, receiving all of society's benefits as legally united couples. We can actually now consider openly serving our nation in the military, in administration, in the government, in all its many expressions. Yes, we are not as hated as we once were. That "old school gay" self-indentity is dead. We're not as hated and we have more accessibility to all of society's resources. Yet, the systems are not yet changed.
The systems that create myths and fear are still very much alive even though they are changing. It's very annoying to those who fear/hate us that we would talk back to them. It's infuriating that the very ones who are considered disgusting (we) are the ones speaking up for themselves. When things get really tough for those who are afraid of life in all its diversity they lash out at us. It's an old story. Every persecuted group has had to endure it.
So what will this year's parade look like? Probably very familiar. Dykes on Bikes, mer-men, dancing leather boys, Lesbians with Corgies, Gay Dads, floats, beads, signs, rainbows, and so on. What's behind all that, however? A community in transition as it learns how to mature, how to be part of the culture without losing its identity, how to fire up the troops for the i
incredible struggle ahead, how to grow in spirit and peace? The GLBTQI community does not have a single united understanding of who we are. That's as diverse as anything can get. We are united, however, in knowing what we are NOT! We are NOT ever going back to the way things were. How to move forward is another question.
Every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersexual person has their own hopes and dreams for how to live their lives fully and gratefully. If we are to progress forward as a culture, building on the work of our forebrothers and foresisters, then we will have discovered how to all walk together in the same direction -- like a parade. Walk with us on Sunday. Bring your own drum and pace but let's all walk togther.
Peace, Joe Tomlinson
If you'd like to write a BLOG article about the subject of your choice just send it to Joe at
butlerpflag09@hotmail.com.
The parade has changed over the years because the gay community (using 'gay' here to include everyone) has evolved, has changed, has grown, has stumbled, has fought hard, has matured, has had victories and defeats. The parades reflect where the gay community is 'at'.
Some years the parades have been all "disco and light". Other years, the heavy-with-death years of the AIDS epidemic the parades were mere intense and strident with anger and rage. Where is gay community 'at' now? I guess, as always, it depends on who you ask. If I was asked I would be tempted to say something provocative like, "Gay is dead". By that I mean, our own old ideas of what 'gay' is are dead. We have to embrace a new reality about being a sexual or gender minority person and community. That reality is that we're not as hated as we once were. That's a new reality for us.
Make no mistake, the religious hysterics that live next door to Dave and me hate us in 2010 as much as anyone did in 1969. It's the systems that have changed. If we can work toward changing the systems that create discrimination and prejudice then we have created change on a large scale that no individual can take away. Where we are today, as a gay community, in my opinion, is that we have a new vista ahead of us.
Our allies are more numerous, more vocal, more at-ease, more passionate, more active, more unwilling to tolerate intolerance. The allies of sexual and gender minorities are the ones who keep the doors of opportunity open. Because straight allies can challenge others with more acceptance than any GLBTQIs can, we have made enormous strides.
We are actually able to consider, now, receiving all of society's benefits as legally united couples. We can actually now consider openly serving our nation in the military, in administration, in the government, in all its many expressions. Yes, we are not as hated as we once were. That "old school gay" self-indentity is dead. We're not as hated and we have more accessibility to all of society's resources. Yet, the systems are not yet changed.
The systems that create myths and fear are still very much alive even though they are changing. It's very annoying to those who fear/hate us that we would talk back to them. It's infuriating that the very ones who are considered disgusting (we) are the ones speaking up for themselves. When things get really tough for those who are afraid of life in all its diversity they lash out at us. It's an old story. Every persecuted group has had to endure it.
So what will this year's parade look like? Probably very familiar. Dykes on Bikes, mer-men, dancing leather boys, Lesbians with Corgies, Gay Dads, floats, beads, signs, rainbows, and so on. What's behind all that, however? A community in transition as it learns how to mature, how to be part of the culture without losing its identity, how to fire up the troops for the i
incredible struggle ahead, how to grow in spirit and peace? The GLBTQI community does not have a single united understanding of who we are. That's as diverse as anything can get. We are united, however, in knowing what we are NOT! We are NOT ever going back to the way things were. How to move forward is another question.
Every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersexual person has their own hopes and dreams for how to live their lives fully and gratefully. If we are to progress forward as a culture, building on the work of our forebrothers and foresisters, then we will have discovered how to all walk together in the same direction -- like a parade. Walk with us on Sunday. Bring your own drum and pace but let's all walk togther.
Peace, Joe Tomlinson
If you'd like to write a BLOG article about the subject of your choice just send it to Joe at
butlerpflag09@hotmail.com.
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